This morning I had a dentist appointment. To get a filling. I haven't had a filling since I was like, seven, and I lost it when I lost the tooth it filled (what dentist puts a filling in a baby tooth? I think that didn't even make sense to me when I was seven). I hadn't been to the dentist in approximately 64 years, so when I went a month ago I was expecting some bad news bears. But the good news gorillas stepped in and I only had one [small] cavity! So I decided 8 am was a great time to go get that filled.
I turned off my alarm at some point in my sleep, so I woke up at 7:21 contemplating pulling a no show. But I figured they'd charge me some sort of fee and I already don't have coverage so I dragged myself out of bed to go get needles stabbed in my mouth.
I didn't know what to expect. Pain was what I was mostly nervous for, because I sure didn't expect the giant blue rubber "dental dam" (HATE that term) that they flossed through my teeth and told me to breath through my nose (luckily I do anyway, I despise mouth breathers) because my mouth was now pried open by some sort of metal contraption and I had a blue piece of rubber...sheet?...hanging out of my mouth. Umm, isn't this supposed to be a half hour appointment? Why do I feel like I'm having major surgery and that I should be put under? So naturally, I turn up the volume on my headphones (I'm watching something on TV and I don't have cable so not only do I have no idea what's on at 8 am, but I don't have a clue as to what it is that I settled on) so I can't hear the saw he's bringing towards my mouth.
What feels like 13 seconds later he snaps the blue rubber out from between my teeth and unscrews the metal contraption and tells me to have a good day. Uhh, ok, thanks? He must have many more of these unnecessary "dental dams" to install in other mouths, he doesn't have time to chit chat about whether or not I can drink hot liquids because I'll die if I can't have coffee rightthisverysecond.
It's two hours later and my mouth feels fat and I'm concerned that when the freezing wears off that I'll be in a lot of pain from the slight obsession that's started of biting my tongue and cheek just because I can't feel it and think it's cool. I took 2 advil and dribbled water down my chin. Apparently I can't feel a water bottle on my lips. Now I feel like I have drool and water all over my face, and probably have for the past two hours, because I hadn't realized that doing such a simple thing would turn out to be impossible. I don't like having to concentrate on mindless things like eating or drinking. That might make me eat less and we all know that can't happen.
My boss anounced that I had "dental work done" to a roomful of clients. That makes it sound serious. My stroke face makes it look serious.